Stop The Presses! She Didn’t Die THAT Way!

Hey everybody! Bhutto didn’t die from the lead! She hit her head on the damn sunroof! God dammit. Well, if you don’t believe me, look at this:
Ms. Bhutto tried to duck down into the car just as the suicide bomber detonated his explosives, and the force of the blast caused her to strike her [...]

McCain Pwns Post-Bhutto

Well, the dust has cleared and the candidates have spouted their opinions of the recently slain Benazir Bhutto. Who came out on top? Why, Walnuts, of course! John McCain came forward mere moments after he heard the news, saying that he would be on the phone, meeting with the National Security Council, and saving kitties [...]

Bhutto’s Body To Be Transported For Burial

According to several sources, the body of Benazir Bhutto is to be transported to her ancestral home for burial. A video of the first sighting of her casket has surfaced on Pakistani television, and has just started to air here in the States.

Press Conference In Progress In Crawford.

In reaction to the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, the White House is now having a press conference at their western branch in Crawford. The White House will be investigating the incident, and they have stated that President Bush is looking forward to having a conversation with President Musharraf.
UPDATE: Bush said in a brief address a [...]

Bhutto Assassinated During Rally

The news has just broken that former Pakistani prime minister Benazir Bhutto has been assassinated after wrapping up an election rally today. MSNBC has just completed an interview with Rudy Guliani, for reasons I cannot decipher, and they have just begun to speak with Senator Arlen Spector, who was scheduled to meet Bhutto later this [...]