Where in the Hell Have I Been? IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLES!!!

Super Tuesday can take a lot out of you. After that fateful night, I awoke in the middle of a field filled with corn stubble, with my pants at my ankles and an overpowering smell of Pine-Sol and feces in the air.
I have since recovered, and hope to cover the Texas and Ohio primaries as [...]

YTAI’08 PrimaryWatch: Florida

America’s penis has spoken, and John McCain has been projected to win. Romney is currently in second, with Giuliani in third and Paul in fourth. Some deadpool members have even raked in votes with senile jews and inebriated Cubans. Fred Thompson has a whopping 1% of the vote, and Duncan Hunter has about 2,000 votes.
And [...]

South Carolina Poll Roundup

Here we are. A day before the South Carolina primaries. Not much has happened since Nevada, besides the bloodthirsty swings thrown by Obama and Clinton, as well as the eerie calmness of the GOP gang. Has any of the new tactics swayed voters? Let’s take a look.

South Carolina (D): Obama 44%, Clinton 24%, Edwards 19% [...]

YOU Think About It 2008: Primary Ad Round-Up

I’ve come across quite a few campaign ad over the past few days on the Interweb tubes, so I’ve decided to gather ‘em all up and serve ‘em your way. Here they are in all of their poorly produced glory.
Fred “DUN DUN” Thompson: He’s had a tough time. Trying to win delegates while also changing [...]

McCain Wins New Hampshire, Romney In Second

With a scant 22% reporting, all of the major news outlets have projected good ‘ol Walnuts McCain as the winner of the New Hampshire GOP primary. Romney is just now finishing up his concession speech, and all of this is happening while the Democrats are still too close to call. As of my typing, Clinton [...]

The Mac Is Back: McCain Claims To Be Pork-Free

The New Hampshire frontrunner has a little bit of ’splainin to do. Think Progress reported the other day that John McCain claimed to have never asked for an earmark to benefit his home state. Check out the quote:
And I’m proud to tell you, Chris, in 24 years as a member of Congress, I have never [...]

It’s Finally Over! Obama and Huckster Win Tall Corn State

Thank the Lord it’s finally passed. The Iowa caucuses have ended. The citizens of Iowa can now return to their snowplows and butter churning, and the candidate can head to New Hampshire to focus all of their annoyance powers on that unsuspecting populace.
The mostly final results have revealed that Barack Obama has won for the [...]

Iowa Zeitgeist: Huck’s A Dumbass, Among Other Observations

Here we are. A day away from the most overblown, over-hyped gathering of Midwesterners in the history of democracy. Where do we stand? Hell if I know. Edwards is campaigning to the point of near-exhaustion of both hair and body, Clinton is handing snow shovels to folks who could be snowed in, Ron Paul has [...]