Where in the Hell Have I Been? IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLES!!!

Super Tuesday can take a lot out of you. After that fateful night, I awoke in the middle of a field filled with corn stubble, with my pants at my ankles and an overpowering smell of Pine-Sol and feces in the air.
I have since recovered, and hope to cover the Texas and Ohio primaries as [...]

South Carolina Poll Roundup

Here we are. A day before the South Carolina primaries. Not much has happened since Nevada, besides the bloodthirsty swings thrown by Obama and Clinton, as well as the eerie calmness of the GOP gang. Has any of the new tactics swayed voters? Let’s take a look.

South Carolina (D): Obama 44%, Clinton 24%, Edwards 19% [...]

Nevada Thinks About It ‘08: Romney & Clinton Win

The results are in for Nevada, and the victors are now obvious. Hillary Clinton has taken the What Happens Here Stays Here State, with Barry trailing by 5%, and Edwards far, far behind in third.
On the GOP side, Mitt Romney finally takes the friggin’ gold, so now he can celebrate like the Special Olympian that [...]

Nevada Debate Lowdown

It’s been a long one, folks. It’s still going on as I type, and things haven’t really happened. I ate some lasagna, took a shower, and filled out a few student aid forms while the candidates have been blabbing, and nothing much has stuck out. Edwards is being a little irritable, and the race card [...]

YOU Think About It 2008: Primary Ad Round-Up

I’ve come across quite a few campaign ad over the past few days on the Interweb tubes, so I’ve decided to gather ‘em all up and serve ‘em your way. Here they are in all of their poorly produced glory.
Fred “DUN DUN” Thompson: He’s had a tough time. Trying to win delegates while also changing [...]

YOU Think About It 2008: N’Hampshire Democratic OCTAGON CAGE MATCH!

Tuesday, Tuesday, TUESDAY!!!!! It’s the democratic frontrunner’s fight to the death in the “CLOBBERIN’ IN CONCORD!!!” Watch as Hillary “Sandy Vajayjay” Clinton dukes it out in an electoral battle royale with Barack “Dynomaiiiiite!” Obama!
It’s been one hell of a cagematch so far, folks! It’s Clinton with 39% and Obama with 36% with 63% of the [...]

McCain Wins New Hampshire, Romney In Second

With a scant 22% reporting, all of the major news outlets have projected good ‘ol Walnuts McCain as the winner of the New Hampshire GOP primary. Romney is just now finishing up his concession speech, and all of this is happening while the Democrats are still too close to call. As of my typing, Clinton [...]

N’Hampshire Pre-Game: Clinton Cries, Paultards Drop F-Bombs

What a day it has been, folks. John Edwards once again has been on the brink of killing himself, and Clintons Bill and Hillary have been crying and arguing their way to Tuesday.  Drudge has brought up the possibility of Hill dropping out, and Romney has managed to muster a three-point lead in front of [...]

It’s Finally Over! Obama and Huckster Win Tall Corn State

Thank the Lord it’s finally passed. The Iowa caucuses have ended. The citizens of Iowa can now return to their snowplows and butter churning, and the candidate can head to New Hampshire to focus all of their annoyance powers on that unsuspecting populace.
The mostly final results have revealed that Barack Obama has won for the [...]

Iowa Zeitgeist: Huck’s A Dumbass, Among Other Observations

Here we are. A day away from the most overblown, over-hyped gathering of Midwesterners in the history of democracy. Where do we stand? Hell if I know. Edwards is campaigning to the point of near-exhaustion of both hair and body, Clinton is handing snow shovels to folks who could be snowed in, Ron Paul has [...]