Super Tuesday can take a lot out of you. After that fateful night, I awoke in the middle of a field filled with corn stubble, with my pants at my ankles and an overpowering smell of Pine-Sol and feces in the air.
I have since recovered, and hope to cover the Texas and Ohio primaries as [...]
Posts Tagged as ‘primary’
March 1, 2008
Where in the Hell Have I Been? IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLES!!!
February 5, 2008
YOU Think About It 2008: Supa Tuesday Throwdown
Well, here it is. The day voters have been dreading and politicians have been masturbating about. Super Tuesday.
The polls say Clinton, hope says Obama, big business says Romney, war-mongers say McCain, and Jebus says Huckabee, but no matter what any of them say, the voters will have to decide. I’m really not liking this “responsibility” [...]
January 29, 2008
YTAI’08 PrimaryWatch: Florida
America’s penis has spoken, and John McCain has been projected to win. Romney is currently in second, with Giuliani in third and Paul in fourth. Some deadpool members have even raked in votes with senile jews and inebriated Cubans. Fred Thompson has a whopping 1% of the vote, and Duncan Hunter has about 2,000 votes.
And [...]
January 25, 2008
South Carolina Poll Roundup
Here we are. A day before the South Carolina primaries. Not much has happened since Nevada, besides the bloodthirsty swings thrown by Obama and Clinton, as well as the eerie calmness of the GOP gang. Has any of the new tactics swayed voters? Let’s take a look.
South Carolina (D): Obama 44%, Clinton 24%, Edwards 19% [...]
January 15, 2008
The Magical Adventures of Dennis The Elf: Dennis Goes To Las Vegas
Today, we join our little elf in Sin City, as he has come across quite an obstacle. MSNBC won’t let the little guy into the democratic debates tonight. Enraged, the compact congressman sauntered over to the district court to get himself some justice. The cards fell in his favor, as the judge ruled that the [...]
January 8, 2008
YOU Think About It 2008: N’Hampshire Democratic OCTAGON CAGE MATCH!
Tuesday, Tuesday, TUESDAY!!!!! It’s the democratic frontrunner’s fight to the death in the “CLOBBERIN’ IN CONCORD!!!” Watch as Hillary “Sandy Vajayjay” Clinton dukes it out in an electoral battle royale with Barack “Dynomaiiiiite!” Obama!
It’s been one hell of a cagematch so far, folks! It’s Clinton with 39% and Obama with 36% with 63% of the [...]
January 8, 2008
McCain Wins New Hampshire, Romney In Second
With a scant 22% reporting, all of the major news outlets have projected good ‘ol Walnuts McCain as the winner of the New Hampshire GOP primary. Romney is just now finishing up his concession speech, and all of this is happening while the Democrats are still too close to call. As of my typing, Clinton [...]
January 8, 2008
Dixville Notch Chooses McCain and Obama
The results are in from the town that has nothing better to do than vote at the stroke of midnight. John McCain and Barack Obama won the small town this morning. The final Zogby poll has McCain ahead Romney by 9, and Obama ahead of Clinton by 14.
Just scrolled down on my news reader here, [...]
January 7, 2008
N’Hampshire Pre-Game: Clinton Cries, Paultards Drop F-Bombs
What a day it has been, folks. John Edwards once again has been on the brink of killing himself, and Clintons Bill and Hillary have been crying and arguing their way to Tuesday. Drudge has brought up the possibility of Hill dropping out, and Romney has managed to muster a three-point lead in front of [...]
January 4, 2008
Romney Still Bitchy, Making Up Stupid Olympics Analogies
All of the candidates have trudged on to the Granite State, but one is still whining about the state he left behind. Mittens Romney is at it again, sending letters to his supporters, and trying to make himself feel better by saying that in the olympics, winning the silver doesn’t mean that you won’t win [...]
