Where in the Hell Have I Been? IN HELL, YOU ASSHOLES!!!

Super Tuesday can take a lot out of you. After that fateful night, I awoke in the middle of a field filled with corn stubble, with my pants at my ankles and an overpowering smell of Pine-Sol and feces in the air.
I have since recovered, and hope to cover the Texas and Ohio primaries as [...]

YTAI’08 PrimaryWatch: Florida

America’s penis has spoken, and John McCain has been projected to win. Romney is currently in second, with Giuliani in third and Paul in fourth. Some deadpool members have even raked in votes with senile jews and inebriated Cubans. Fred Thompson has a whopping 1% of the vote, and Duncan Hunter has about 2,000 votes.
And [...]

South Carolina Poll Roundup

Here we are. A day before the South Carolina primaries. Not much has happened since Nevada, besides the bloodthirsty swings thrown by Obama and Clinton, as well as the eerie calmness of the GOP gang. Has any of the new tactics swayed voters? Let’s take a look.

South Carolina (D): Obama 44%, Clinton 24%, Edwards 19% [...]

Nevada Thinks About It ‘08: Romney & Clinton Win

The results are in for Nevada, and the victors are now obvious. Hillary Clinton has taken the What Happens Here Stays Here State, with Barry trailing by 5%, and Edwards far, far behind in third.
On the GOP side, Mitt Romney finally takes the friggin’ gold, so now he can celebrate like the Special Olympian that [...]

YOU Think About It 2008: Primary Ad Round-Up

I’ve come across quite a few campaign ad over the past few days on the Interweb tubes, so I’ve decided to gather ‘em all up and serve ‘em your way. Here they are in all of their poorly produced glory.
Fred “DUN DUN” Thompson: He’s had a tough time. Trying to win delegates while also changing [...]

McCain Wins New Hampshire, Romney In Second

With a scant 22% reporting, all of the major news outlets have projected good ‘ol Walnuts McCain as the winner of the New Hampshire GOP primary. Romney is just now finishing up his concession speech, and all of this is happening while the Democrats are still too close to call. As of my typing, Clinton [...]

Romney Still Bitchy, Making Up Stupid Olympics Analogies

All of the candidates have trudged on to the Granite State, but one is still whining about the state he left behind. Mittens Romney is at it again, sending letters to his supporters, and trying to make himself feel better by saying that in the olympics, winning the silver doesn’t mean that you won’t win [...]

Iowa Zeitgeist: Huck’s A Dumbass, Among Other Observations

Here we are. A day away from the most overblown, over-hyped gathering of Midwesterners in the history of democracy. Where do we stand? Hell if I know. Edwards is campaigning to the point of near-exhaustion of both hair and body, Clinton is handing snow shovels to folks who could be snowed in, Ron Paul has [...]

OMFG Moment: Edwards Leads In Iowa

The latest polls show that in Iowa, the tables seem to be turning for the Dems. John Edwards is squeaking a 1% lead in front of Clinton and Obama. The actual numbers show Edwards with 24, Clinton with 23, Obama with 22 and Bill Richardson comfortably in fourth at 12. On the republican side, Huckabee [...]